You are saying you are not happy, and so you did something external to find happiness. You are allowed to make yourself happy. But understand this: happiness is not something external that you get from someone or from material things. Happiness is within, it is a mindset shift.
You can be happy at any level of struggle; all it requires is resilience. If you don’t realize this, you will never experience what real happiness feels like. The happiness you are thinking of is a mirage. Find the true happiness within.
It is a journey. First, you go through a reality check. Then you accept things as they are. After that, you move beyond unnecessary add-ons self-pity, jealousy, gossip, comparison, unrealistic expectations. You leave them one by one.
Sometimes it feels like you are trapped in a loop where these thoughts never end. Only hope and righteousness can help you through this phase, you may call them God, if you wish.
When you reach this point, you might be left with the bare minimum or sometimes nothing at all. That bare minimum could be a friend, a relationship, a job, an opportunity or anything that stayed with you through everything. Only then you realize its true value. This phase is called gratitude.
If you claim to have gratitude but still carry self-pity, jealousy, ego, comparison, unrealistic expectations, or materialistic attachment even 0.1% then what you have is just thanks, not true gratitude. Gratitude is real magic. When you have it, you never doubt or question the bare minimum you are left with. Building gratitude slowly opens the door to happiness within yourself.
I wish you find true happiness within yourself.